It's been three years since our move this summer. And we have relished every moment of it. There have been moments of sheer bliss and not a care in the world. Followed by some dark night of the soul type stuff.
But through it all. The Lord God has been faithful.
Faithful to show up.
Faithful to comfort.
Faithful to direct.
Faithful to love.
Faithful to speak.
Faithful to fufill.
Faithful to grow us.
And all He has asked of us was and is to remain faithfully in love with Him.
And we have.
I think we've experienced enough changing tides the last 36 months that could make even the most iron clad stomached sailor hurl. But I look back at this side of the journey and can see utter beauty (granted, I still get sick thinking of some of it. It has been a real dousy at moments y'all). I see where we as a family have grown so deeply intertwined with each others hearts, that we just jive better and more cohesively.
Now, do not get me wrong, literally NOTHING has gone to ' the plan' except the amount of time the Lord said we would be gone from 'home'. We don't live where we started out in this journey. We are no longer in the same circles we started with. We see new faces constantly- which I quite enjoy but I sincerely apologize if you are one of the newbies to me. I am awful with names (insert total cringe face; eek!). And never in my life have I felt so utterly wishy-washy. It makes me gag to think of it. But I know now it was His directing one way and my deep rooted demand for control snatching in another. Ultimately giving into Him. Thankfully.
In desperate prayer not too long ago- you know the snot pouring faster than the tears kind?- I begged the Lord to help me make sense of all of this. This whirlwind, gone by too fast and not fast enough season He has had us in. That I have come to the point where I am done fighting the inevitable with Him and that I have truly come to the end of myself. And almost as if I could feel Him smiling, it was this most gentle nudge of knowing I was right where He needed me. And now the fun stuff can begin. He asked me to design my dream table. To spare no expense in the atmosphere or anything of that nature. To do it real' good. So I obeyed. And when I had finished I felt the twinge of disappointment that this would never happen. Partly because I would never spend that kind of money on something that was just going to be eaten at. And also because of space. Mostly because of space. Honestly speaking, I just couldn't see how my literal dreamy 20' table and outdoor dining space would fit into a 14'x10' room. That is when the next step came. He directed me to now begin to fill the table with women I love. And that's when I pictured you. The woman reading this. The one who may feel alone in a room full of people. Something I've felt frequently throughout my life. The woman who has so many children her home began to feel like a two sized too small shoe. The woman who may not realize yet just how special and beloved she truly is. The woman that is watching her babies grow just a bit too fast for her preference. Perhaps wondering if there is a better way to do this mothering thing so she doesn't royally screw her kids up. The woman who will attack me for saying "screw her kids up". Because let's face it, "good Christian women don't talk like that". The woman who is laughing at that because she knows exactly what I mean. The woman who doesn't quite fit in anywhere but has such a desire to love those around her so big. The woman who doesn't know where to start to what the Lord is calling her to (we will be walking this out together ma'am). The woman who has watched all her babies grow. The woman who has yet to have a baby to watch grow. The woman with all the friends and the woman with little to no friends. And every woman in between. I saw you. And I knew the Lord saw you too. And that was when He asked me if I was prepared to open my table up. To prepare a place where you could come and feast on His goodness with me. To sit with a warm (or cold) drink and know that if we were in person I would hug your neck so tight you could feel all the saints of Heaven cheering you on with me in that moment. To read and listen and laugh and cry together as we , as sisters, journey through this life of Motherhood and Daughterhood. Forsaking not one for the other. And in this blissfully, ever changing role, never loose sight of who we are in Him. Because together, at this table we sit, we remind each other.
So if you've been looking for a place to sit. A place to belong. A place to be seen. A place to be heard. A place to laugh. A place to cry.
I invite you to my table.
-Holly
The Titus Table Collective
